I was wonderfully overwhelmed with the response I got from starting this blog. The words of encouragement and love from friends, family, and even some strangers have really, REALLY helped me through the first few days.
I read somewhere that the first four days are the hardest when kicking an old habit or starting a new one. It definitely hasn’t been easy, but I just keep going back to all of the messages I’ve received and it gives me a boost of much needed strength.
I can’t say thank you enough!
Day 4 was the hardest thus far.
For the first three days, my mom was in town, which made the transition into sobriety surprisingly easy. Not only was I distracted with fun, family outings, but I also had someone watching me 24/7. Not just someone, my mother; which, if you know my mother, you know it means I couldn’t have slipped up even if I really, really wanted to (which I didn’t).
Day 4 I found myself awake too early with not a whole lot to do. And that scared me.
One of my biggest fears, with all of this, is getting bored. Doctors and health nuts and Oprah talk a lot about people who eat out of boredom. I’m sure you’ve heard it before too; people who say they are always hungry, when really they just don’t have anything else to do, so they eat. Well, that’s how I am with alcohol. When I’m bored or don’t have anything on the calendar, I drink.
The weekends were always the heaviest drinking days because I had more idle time on my hands. I became a master at losing the better half of a Sunday in bottomless mimosas and American Spirits.
So what did I do instead this Sunday?
I went for a run. I OCD-cleaned my apartment (even the ceiling fans). I took Warner for a long walk. I taught myself how to make sautéed scallops and wild mushrooms. I went to church. I invested in a pound of red licorice. I watched the news. I went to bed at 10pm.
I’d be omitting some truth if I didn’t add “reminisced about the good ol’ weekends” on the list.
Sure, I missed drinking and cleaning, drinking and cooking, drinking and running (just kidding on that last one), but I finally started feeling present in my moments again and that feeling gave me butterflies.
When I went running, instead of focusing on how much my lungs hurt; I focused on how amazing LA’s skyline looked from the top of the mountain.
When I was cleaning, I didn’t forget where I put the Swiffer or accidentally leave some dust on the top shelf.
When I took Warner for a walk, we took our time, we (literally) stopped and smelled the roses.
When I was cooking, I taste-tested everything, and could actually taste it.
When I was in church, I could feel the worship in my toes and I thanked God for putting this challenge on my heart (I’ll touch more on that experience in a later post).
When I went to sleep, I knew I would wake up refreshed and inspired for another sober day.
Yesterday was definitely the hardest day thus far, but it was so rewarding. I was reminded, in a lot of little ways, why I accepted this challenge and how willing and able I am to complete it.