I know. It’s been a while. I had every intention to post something yesterday.
I actually had a very funny story ready to go about how the lady running the self check-out at a Ralph’s on Super Bowl Sunday yelled at me for trying to buy booze at the self check-out, but really, it was just fancy root beer. (How’s that for irony, Alanis Morissette?) I was then going to talk about how proud I was of myself for making it through a Patriots’ Super Bowl Sunday and a night of dancing, without a drink. I planned to write this very witty, funny post after work yesterday.
Then, I got laid off.
Want to test your will power in the first few weeks of sobriety? Lose your job.
As I was driving out of the employee parking garage, I thought, “If you’re going to drink or smoke, now’s the time to do it”. It sounds cliche, but I craved that temporary fix. I didn’t want to talk about it or come up with a game plan. I wanted a wine-scented band aid in the shape of an American Spirit.
I didn’t give in though. Instead, I talked about it and I came up with a game plan.
I’m not going to say it didn’t suck because it did. Having to face my new reality and be present in it and feel it as it was happening was really, really uncomfortable. I was embarrassed. I felt like a complete loser, a failure, all of those nasty detsructive words.
Thing is, I’m not any of those things, and I can say that with full confidence now, 24 hours after getting the boot.
If this had happened to me 35 days ago, I would have gotten drunk, smoked a bunch of cigarettes, and woken up the next day feeling even worse about myself. I woke up today, on Day 34, feeling like I was on top of the world. I have no idea if I’m going to get another day job. And if I do, I have no idea what it’s going to be, and I think that’s really exciting. As my sister said, while passing me a tissue yesterday, the world is my oyster.
When I started this blog, I said I was ready for change. I meant it.