Day 162-187.5

I am officially halfway through my year of sobriety (which means the year is half over, can you believe it?)

I was talking to someone the other day and told them that the last six months have been the worst six months I’ve ever experienced. I reflected on that later and decided that was a poor choice of words. The last 187.5 days haven’t been “the worst”, but they’ve been really, really hard.

I had no idea what I was getting into when I made this promise to myself (and the entire internet). I thought the hardest part would be resisting the urge to buy a bottle of wine on a hot summer day or saying no to a cute guy offering me a beer at a party.

Man, was I WAY off.

The hardest part has been getting to know myself. That sounds negative, and I’m not going to lie, for a while it was. I started focusing on what I didn’t have and what I couldn’t do and I felt really sorry for myself. I was miserable.

Then something shifted inside of me. I made a conscious choice to focus only on the good stuff. I started learning about meditation and what it means to focus on positive, higher vibrations. (It sounds totally hippy-dippy, I know, but it works). So, in the spirit of good vibrations, let’s re-cap all the good stuff from the last 187.5 days of my sobriety.

JANUARY: I was surprised at how easily I swung into my sobriety. I was happily overwhelmed by the amount of love and support I recieved from my friends and family and even people I hadn’t spoken to in years. (For the record, I’m still in awe of all of you and can’t thank you enough for your encouragement.) I took a lot of bubble baths in January. I started running. I finally went to Dunkin Donuts (the only one in LA). I pulled off a 500 person, $60k event at the hotel (my biggest event ever). I became a vegetarian. I went on a sober date. I watched all ten seasons of Friends. I decided it was time to live with someone again and made plans to move in with a roommate. I used a crockpot for the first time. I baked A LOT. I found creative ways to fill up my new found free time. I realized that I was no longer the girl texting “pre-game at my place” and was now the girl looking for a hiking buddy on the weekends.

FEBRUARY: I got laid off (which was actually a HUGE blessing in disguise). Me and Dusty started the “who wore it better” photo series. I spent time with my mom and Grammy. I started taking Warner to the puppy park more regularily. I read a lot. I let myself sleep in. I did the hard side of Runyon every day. I shot a scene that I had been wanting to put on film for a long time. I spent more time with my sister and her friends. I watched almost all the movies nominated for Oscars and actually knew what I was talking about at an Oscar party. I decided that my blog didn’t just have to be about not drinking, but that all of the lessons I was learning during this unique time in my life were totally sharable, and I became less afraid to share everything that was happening.

MARCH: I moved. I painted a room all by myself. I built an Ikea dresser. I fell for someone for the first time in a long time. I became addicted to frozen custard. I auditioned for the Actor’s Studio (and got a callback!). I swam in the ocean. I became best friends with a 4 year old mini-me. I had lunch with my senior prom date. I auditioned for three series regular roles on two different pilots. I tried non-alcoholic beer. I went to a “Macbeth” table read and got to work with some amazing actors. I stopped noticing that I wasn’t drinking in social situations. Being sober at a party or at a bar with friends started to feel normal.

APRIL: I celebrated my birthday. I watched all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls. I went to Cinderella at The Ahmanson to see my senior prom date star as Prince Charming. I served at church during Easter services. A film I was in won a college Emmy. I started a new acting class. I got new headshots, which led to so many more auditions. I got to be there when one of my favorite people got his big acting break. I finally came to terms with the fact that, as cheesy as it sounds, dreams do come true. Nothing is impossible if you are willing to go all in and really believe in yourself and what you want to accomplish.

MAY: I became addicted to night hikes. I celebrated Mother’s Day with my three favorite women. I let go of an old friend and understood that sometimes people out-grow friendships, and that’s ok. I went to Disneyland. I found peace in saying goodbye to my Grampy. May was the hardest, and lonliest month, but I came out of it so much better. I spent a lot of time looking inward for comfort and solace and finding those things for myself, in myself, was eye opening. I felt my independence for the first time.

JUNE: I learned about the Law of Attraction. I spent a lot of time with my best friend. I made s’mores. I went to a Dodger’s game. I celebrated my sister’s 30th birthday (with a quincineaera-themed party). I completed a 30-day butt squat challenge. I had the biggest audition of my career thus far. I picked up writing a screenplay my dad and I started last year. I took my 4 year old mini-me to the Sound of Music Sing-A-Long at the Hollywood Bowl and watched her eyes light up, seeing a movie on a big screen for the first time. I started meditating daily. I made a lot of spiritual discoveries in June. I feel like I’m getting a grasp on what I want my life to become. I started to visualize my life 6 months, a year, ten years from now with a new set of eyes and found new excitement and inspiration in what I saw.

Since we’re only a few days into July, there isn’t much to talk about yet, but I have a feeling it’s going to be another good month full of new discoveries and epiphanies. In fact, I think the next 187.5 days are going to be full of all that good stuff. From here on out…. positive vibes only, guys.