In two days, I turn 30. I’ve been counting down the days for a while now and usually, when I state the countdown out loud, I follow it with a barf noise (you know, “blllaaahhh”). 30 is kind of scary. When I was a kid, I thought 30 was pretty old. I figured by the time I was 30 I’d have a house, a husband, a kid or two, and definitely a career.
Today, two days before 30, I live in a tiny, cheap apartment in North Hollywood, I don’t have a husband or kids (does a six year-old best friend count? no? what about a dog?), and my career is still a big work in progress. I can hear my fifteen-year-old self saying, “loser”, as she reads this. Jokes on her though, because I don’t feel like a loser.
I’ve obviously been thinking a lot about my 20’s lately. They were a disaster. They were a big, beautiful, trouble-filled, tear-jerking, comedic disaster. And they were perfect. A lot of people tell you, your 20’s is a time to grow and figure stuff out, and I think it’s safe to say I did all of that. I spent most of the last decade learning every life lesson the hard way, and even have a mugshot to prove it. I fell on my face. I cried over guys that didn’t deserve it. I lost friends. I lost jobs. I lost auditions. The list goes on and on and on and… you get the point.
But all of that loss, produced a pretty big win.
I’m turning 30 in a tiny, cheap apartment, with a dog I sometimes refer to as my son, and no idea where my next acting job is coming from. And I couldn’t be prouder.
The fact that I survived my 20’s is enough to make me and anyone who knows me proud, but I didn’t just survive it, I thrived. (I sound like one of those manifest-your-destiny life coaches right now, I realize that).
I didn’t know it at 21, and definitely not at 25, 28 may have hinted at it, but I know now that I’ve spent the last ten years becoming a woman who is going to walk into the next decade of her life feeling nothing but love, accomplishment, and gratitude. If your 20’s is when you figure your stuff out, your 30’s is when you get to let all that stuff go and just be the wonderful human that you’ve created. And I’m excited to be that person because right now, two days before 30, I’m completely in love with her.
So, 30’s, I’m not going to follow you with a barf noise any more. I’m ready for you. Let’s make a lot of love, tons of art, fewer mistakes, and maybe even a baby, who knows. Who knows what the next ten years will bring, I sure don’t. But, I can’t wait to find out.