Day Seventy

It’s been a weird couple of weeks, guys. A lot of highs and a ton of lows that have left me longing for some mundane middle ground, where nothing is necessarily going right or wrong, it’s just… going.

When I was a kid, I used to imagine that God had a giant TV and every channel on the TV was a different person’s life. If a lot of stuff seemed to be happening to me all at once, I said it was because God was watching my channel. Now, as an adult, I realize this probably isn’t the case and I am hopefully serving a bigger purpose than just being mere entertainment for an all-powerful entity. I also realize this is basically the plot to the Truman Show and there’s a slight chance Hollywood stole my idea.

There’s a lot of unknown mixed in with these extreme cards I’m being dealt. It makes it difficult to figure out what my next move is because if I’m being honest, I’m terrified.

I think it goes back to wanting to control things that are completely out of my control. I blogged about that recently, and I guess the Universe, or God, or what-who-whomever is in charge around here is making me practice what I preach.

I know I’m being vague. I’m sure you’d like to know the specifics of these highs and lows I’m referring too, but those are F.D.O., For Diary Only, at least for now.

It’s also not the point of this blog post. Because it’s never about what happens to us guys, it’s about how we handle it, right?

A year ago, I would be halfway through a bottle of Petit Syrah and probably on my fourth cigarette by now. I’d be sitting outside, in the rain, scrolling through my ex-boyfriend’s Instragram, and completely ignoring my own life. I wouldn’t be thinking about everything that’s happened this week, I would be actively numbing all of it because that’s the easiest thing to do.

Unhealthy distractions only provide temporary relief. They are just another way we try to control the uncontrollable. If I pretend it’s not there, it will eventually go away. Nope. Wrong. If you throw an invisibility cloak over anything that doesn’t appeal to you, the unappealing will eventually maneuver it’s way out from under the wine stains and cloud of smoke and will pop up somewhere else. There aren’t enough invisibility cloaks in the universe for everything we face on a daily basis. There are actually no invisibility cloaks in the universe, soooo….

It’s time to face it. It’s time to be afraid and keep moving anyways. It’s time to reach out for help when I need it and love as much as possible. It’s time to welcome the uncontrollable, the good and the bad, and take heart knowing that I got this. So do you. We got this.

Maybe God is sitting in front of His TV, tuned into my channel, or your channel. Maybe it does feel like it’s all just too much right now. But, I’m pretty sure everything is going to be okay because I’m pretty sure we all get happily-ever-afters.

 

 

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