Day 305-326

It was about this time last year that I started telling close family and friends my plan to be sober in 2015. So, it seems only fitting that I let you all know what I’m planning for 2016!

This year, I got so much more than I expected from being sober for 365 days. I got a lot of heartache and anixety and tears, but I also got A TON of love, support, motivaiton, inspiration, personal discovery, faith…. the list goes on and on.

The desire to be sober for a year came from frustration with my career. I had this mindset last year, that God was punishing me because I wasn’t acting responsibly. I had convinced myself that I wasn’t booking acting jobs because God couldn’t trust me with that kind of work because I was making bad choices when it came to drinking and socializing. I thought that if I quit drinking for a year, I would surely start booking some work then.

BOY, WAS I WRONG!

I haven’t drank in 326 days, and I haven’t booked a job in 326 days.

But I learned something from this (obviously)….

I can’t control it. There is no rhyme or reason to the career I’ve chosen. I’ve spent the last nine years in LA trying to figure out how to “make it”. Actors who have just moved to LA or are thinking about moving, ask me for advice ALL THE TIME, and I usually put together some kind of inspirational “you can do it!” response, but the truth is, I am just as clueless.

I can tell you what I’ve been doing for the last nine years. What school I went to, who I study with now, how I got my first agent, how I got my fourth agent, what workshops to take, and who to network with, but the only thing I can say with 100% confidence is that my story will not be your story.

There’s no formula when you’re trying to be an actor. There’s no corportate ladder to climb. It doesn’t matter what school you went to or how many degrees you have (really wish someone would have told me that before I took out $90k in student loans). Your mom will have to pay your rent one month, and the next month you could be flying your family to Hawaii to celebrate your big TV star booking. It’s unstable, unpredictable, but wonderfully unbelieveable.

Ok, so I guess there is one other thing I can say with full confidence, and that is, don’t be afraid to live your life.

I’m 28 years old, and I don’t think I’ve really lived yet. I’ve always been afraid of doing things because I was afraid it would mess up all the work and progress I’ve made towards my career goals. I’ve never travelled outside of the US (I don’t even have a passport) because I’ve been afraid to leave LA in case an audition comes up. I’ve never dyed my hair because I’ve been afraid to change my look in case I get a callback for that pilot I auditioned for last month. I’ve been afraid to order desert because I have a shoot the next day and don’t want to look bloated. I’ve been holding back on living while trying to build a life and that seems a bit counterintuitive.

I’ve spent nine years working really, really hard on my career, and in 2016, I’m going to let it all go.

I’m still going to be in LA and I’m still going to work my ass off in purusit of what I love, but I’m also going to travel and dye my hair and eat a cupcake whenever I feel like it.

The main theme for 2016 will be travel. My year of travel. I’m going to take three BIG trips this year, with a few little trips sprinkled in there, and I’m going to do all of it SOLO.

Now, that’s not to say I won’t accept (and expect) a few meet-ups where ever I land, but as far as planning and executing my trips, that’ll be all me.

I’ll let my family and friends know where I’m going and the dates I’ll be there and if anyone wants to meet me there, they are more than welcome!

As of right now, I know I will be in Nicaragua at the beginning of the year, Europe in the summer, and (hopefully) Norway in the winter.

And how am I going to pay for all of this? I have some ideas brewing and savings building, but if I’ve learned anything from 2015 it’s that “when you want something bad enough, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it”.

2015 was a year for discovering who I am. 2016 will be the year I put her to the test.

5 thoughts on “Day 305-326”

  1. Girl, idk hosi found your Instagram, I’m new to it lol But I read your 2015 blog and I was entranced…because that is EXACTLY how I felt for almost 10 years as well. I just left LA and moved to CO where I always wanted to be and I feel like I am living my life for the first time in 5 years lol I’m a realtor now but I still pursue acting and voice overs on the side. Way to go in pursuing your dreams but also following your heart and living life!

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  2. Great blog. Keep up the good fight. Life is tough (as you have experienced) but this career path is even tougher. I wish I had some answer for you about breaking in…I don’t. I just hope you succeed. I love your instagram account btw.
    Sincerely
    Carlo Dall’Olmo
    Phoenix Screenwriters Association

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  3. You are absolutely beautiful. I wish you would consider traveling to Tokyo, Japan. I know some really amazing agents I could give you their info. In Japan you can sign with as many agents as you want. It’s amazing experience and I think you would stay fully booked. We are Instagram friends.:)

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  4. WOW! I get you, been there, felt that many times but in my case it’s the fashion world.. I’m a makeup artist in Australia and you just left a comment through Instagram on one of my images and that’s how I found you.. I really hope that 2016 is you year beautiful.. I hope you get everything you wish for, I really mean it!
    Saphire πŸ™πŸ™πŸ’œπŸ’œ
    @saphiremua

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