As I type this I have less than seven hours of sobriety left to go. All day I’ve been thinking about how CRAZY it is that this is my last day. I actually did this. I went a year sober. I kept a New Year’s Resolution (who does that, really?!).
So, how do I feel? I feel good. I feel really good.
I’ve recieved such encouraging and celebratory messages today and I am so grateful for everyone who has reached out. You all know who you are and I hope you know that I wouldn’t have been able to keep going without you. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a thousand more times…. THANK YOU!
When things got hard this year, my mom would tell me to read over my blog and everything I wrote, and I never did. I didn’t want to read what I wrote after it was posted. I was saving that for Day 365. Today, I sat down and I read every post from the beginning.
My mom told me that she once spent an afternoon reading all of my posts (she is my biggest fan after all) and by the end of it she just thought “wow”. She was amazed and proud of the work I had done and where I was going. She wanted me to understand that and feel the same way, and after I read through it all today, I did.
There were moments as I was reading that I forgot I was the one who wrote it. I caught myself agreeing with this writer as if the writer wasn’t me. That felt really good. Reading through it all felt really, really good.
I recently told someone that I feel like I’ve spent the last year taking a Masterclass on myself. These blog entries were part of that class, they were my homework, and looking them over made me realize I learned A LOT.
The biggest, over-all lesson I learned through this experience is: I AM ENOUGH. Who I am, regardless of the things I have or where I am; this goofy, confident, sarcastic, loving, ridiculous, emotional being, is…. enough.
In my very first post I wrote, “I hope that by the end of this year, my 8 year old self will want to give me a high five”.
And I’m happy to report, I think she does.
3 thoughts on “Day 341-365”
Your journey has been amazing…but that doesn’t surprise me at all. You are amazing, therefore, your journey is too. I envy your perseverance and overall guts for lack of a better description. You took an issue by the horns and you won…simple as that. I know it wasn’t easy…I’m not sure I could have completed this task. Now, on too that other part of your life….landing that once in a lifetime role. I know you can do it…your so talented, kind, giving and just a wonderful person who I call “friend”…..love you so much.
Today I celebrate you! Another year is done, but what a year it has been! So much JOY with many moments of clarity…All day I have wondered how I would respond to the commitment and courage you’ve shown to yourself this year. It has been amazing to watch you grow, and, now I get to celebrate with you the person that you have come to know….WOW! This journey has taught all of us who know and love you a valuable lesson. A very wise woman once told me that there are four principles to live by: 1. Show up, 2. Pay attention, 3. Tell the truth, and, 4. Never be attached to the outcome. Those four principles are evident in where you have arrived at this point in your journey. I have watched your courage guide you to those scary places in yourself and see you find the “light” each time. You embrace life with honesty and truth, and heart and soul. I have had the privilege to be on the other end of the phone while you were trying to figure it all out. Suffice it to say that you will continue to experience the journey, and, I know that you will be “paying attention.” I am truly blessed and so very grateful that God trust me with you. The greatest thing to ever happen to me is having you and Megan call me “Mom.”
To quote ee cummings, “I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.”
What a wonderful way to begin a New Year. Yes, you are and always were enough… Sending lots of love and many hugs as you start what I know will be a fabulous year for you..
Love, Aunt Teresa