As I type this I have less than seven hours of sobriety left to go. All day I’ve been thinking about how CRAZY it is that this is my last day. I actually did this. I went a year sober. I kept a New Year’s Resolution (who does that, really?!).
So, how do I feel? I feel good. I feel really good.
I’ve recieved such encouraging and celebratory messages today and I am so grateful for everyone who has reached out. You all know who you are and I hope you know that I wouldn’t have been able to keep going without you. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a thousand more times…. THANK YOU!
When things got hard this year, my mom would tell me to read over my blog and everything I wrote, and I never did. I didn’t want to read what I wrote after it was posted. I was saving that for Day 365. Today, I sat down and I read every post from the beginning.
My mom told me that she once spent an afternoon reading all of my posts (she is my biggest fan after all) and by the end of it she just thought “wow”. She was amazed and proud of the work I had done and where I was going. She wanted me to understand that and feel the same way, and after I read through it all today, I did.
There were moments as I was reading that I forgot I was the one who wrote it. I caught myself agreeing with this writer as if the writer wasn’t me. That felt really good. Reading through it all felt really, really good.
I recently told someone that I feel like I’ve spent the last year taking a Masterclass on myself. These blog entries were part of that class, they were my homework, and looking them over made me realize I learned A LOT.
The biggest, over-all lesson I learned through this experience is: I AM ENOUGH. Who I am, regardless of the things I have or where I am; this goofy, confident, sarcastic, loving, ridiculous, emotional being, is…. enough.
In my very first post I wrote, “I hope that by the end of this year, my 8 year old self will want to give me a high five”.
And I’m happy to report, I think she does.